Hi!
How are you today? In one of my last letters to you I mentioned that I would be participating in a tournament again. I was really excited, but things didn’t go as planned. This time the teams were organized so that ours would be all women and the men’s teams all men. When I found out I’d be on a new, all-female team, I thought it would be a new experience and that playing with a new team wouldn’t be that hard but the opposite turned out to be true.
The first day of practice was a disaster. To be honest, out of all the girls on my team only two knew how to play well. Seeing how poorly we did in practice really discouraged me, and I wanted to quit. Then I got motivated again because the captain said she had found three girls from the volleyball federation in my city, so we went to practice again. However, only one of the three showed up, and that practice was another disaster. I wanted to quit again I think I thought about it three times. In the end I did play in the novice tournament, and as expected we lost by a huge margin. It was the worst game I’ve ever played; it was terrible. A woman in the audience even laughed out loud, and I heard many people say we were the worst. I agree, but I don’t feel bad about myself because I played well and made an effort to attend practices despite working. I supported the team a lot and knew how to lead, even though I wasn’t the captain.
The captain didn’t lead well. She didn’t take the team’s opinions into account, didn’t practice properly with the team, and refused to change her position. It was hard for me to communicate with her because she’s younger than me, and she seemed to disregard the team’s input. I feel like maybe I would have made a good captain. Some teammates told me it would be good if I were captain, but she refused to give up her spot.
After the tournament she insisted I play in the next game, but I really didn’t want to. I felt a bit used, to be honest. I was one of the best players on the team, but it didn’t make sense that I was the only one putting in so much effort. We’re supposed to be a team, and I didn’t see that. At least three people stood out in the tournament, including me, but I didn’t want to keep putting in so much effort only to have the ball end up on the ground. I’m not sure if you can understand how I feel.
She told me I didn’t know how to lose and that all of this was for the experience, but participating in that tournament made me feel very ashamed. It doesn’t make sense to me that someone wouldn’t put effort into something when everyone else is trying their best. It’s like entering a swimming championship without knowing how to swim. So in the end I decided to quit, even though she insisted I play. I know she did it because it was convenient for her without me the team would have been even worse. I was just really tired of it all, and the team eventually disbanded and stopped playing after I quit.
I apologized many times, and I never told them what I really thought, but I did encourage them to keep playing. Now I feel a bit better. Sorry this letter was so long! I didn’t have anyone to talk to about this, and I’m not sure if it was good to write it all down, but I don’t think it was bad either because if I hadn’t said no, my self-esteem would be broken by now from the shame.
Anyway, that’s all I wanted to tell you. Take care of yourself, eat well, rest when you can, and drink plenty of water. And if you can or have time to do a live stream, would you? Honestly, I miss you a lot and still haven’t been able to catch one of your live streams live because I always wake up late due to the time difference. But I really want to see you live again. I miss you so much. Hopefully I can see you again soon. For now I’ll wait.
Te amo~
(Yesterday I went out to eat with a friend, and since I recently got a new phone I took some photos. Here they are!)
Dayanna 🇪🇨