I admitted again I was powerless over the strong emotion and my life had become almost unmanageable. I should have tried to make time for my heart to be at peace and enjoy the very best of the nature. As a matter of fact, I had little opportunity to make a trip or go aroun in wood. When I'm not feeling good, I tend to crave carbs or get irritable at Susan. No one can be sure what the near future will look like when I'm left going on in this way. I need a paradigm shift for survival as a member of the family. And then I can move to the next step. I should admit the exact nature of my wrongs and ask God to remove all these defects of character. I'm willing to work around the clock at home to make amends to them all. In a very practical sense, I can save a lot of money on household items if I'm involved in houlsehold chores. Most of us are bound to live the rest of our life all by themselves and we need to learn various suvival skills including cooking, spending time and whatever. Furthermore, even the 80-something probably should help with making both ends meet in this rapidly aging society. I feel like for me carbs are like comfort food and I usually get late-night snacks. But they don't work anylonger. I should be more devoted to the family first and then I should do what I have in mind. I should hold fast to this philosophy. Then what on earth did I do for my family? I just desperately supported them for two decades working in medical business. I ended up getting no feedback. I just insisted on feeding them in the traditional manner, speaking well of me. Be that as it may, I don't have any big plans for them, either. All right. That's all the time I had as a dictator. I'm beginning to be aware that the more I lose my temper, the less likeely I'll have chances to be cared for. Now it's time I'm finally forced to capitulate to their demands for coexistence in harmony with them. Vegetative relationship is the worst type of catastrophe in the family. But I'm aware I'm also going to see the best of humanity from now on, finding solutions from inside of myself. I tried to change my attitude and work to do at home. It wasn't as easy as I thought. I admit I failed to make it sustainable and I admit that it was all my fault. Now I got the courage to give it a fresh start again. Humans are similar to animals. They even know which direction they're supposed to go. I'm not different. Protecting her and my children is a way to protect me and also a way to protect mankind. I'll treat them with the respect that they need for them to be involved in the family process. God is the creator of humans and all living creatures, and thus must be obeyed above anything else. I'll attend the church tomorrow without fail. I respect her philosophy and religion.