I thought I was attacked by my spouse early this morning. After thinking about it, she was right. I just thought I've been faithful as a typical patriarch who is always struggling to support the family in a nod to tradtion. Finally everything turned out be prove that I've got it wrong. I was neither supportive nor kind. Like so many of the most fanatical aspects of the extremist feminist today, I believed that the idea that I'm not supportive and protective is a creation of female activists to serve a political agenda in household affairs. This is right and I am wrong. All of my thoughts just came from my grandiose idea as a man. I must have rubbed salt in her wounds. I might have suffered from the terminal stage that leads to the total deterioration of personality ifn not intervened and interrupted. She helped me to get out of the hell gate. I should admit that I was not kind. I remember her compalining that I didn't take her to luch to pacify her when she's expecting. She might have needed someone to turn to and talk to. What I did at that period was none other than sticking a knife in her back. Kindness is protecting people who can't look after themselves. She has not had enough energy to take care of two babies. Nevertheless, I stood my own ground, thinking that the role as a breadwinner wasn't as easy as she thought. Sometimes I was more likely to delete the game. And others I have almost set myself on a destructive path. But everything around me is here for a reason. Looking back on the first time we met, I was not completely smitten by her looks and figure from the moment we encountered each other. As we lived together, she turned out to be a teacher as well as a helper. Without her consistent advice, I would have already perished. But now she seems to be the only source of joy. Now I'm returning to the table to wash dishes and turn the knives and forks upside down. I should be determined to beg for her forgiveness for the rest of my life. I should be soft-spoken and caring. I have made the tough decision for a couple of months for reform in upbrining of children, but I think I abused her. I can still treat her withe respect that she needs for her to be involved in the process. This tells me that I still have no idea where I should head to or what destination I'm looking for. Though I have some insight in what I've done, I wonder how long it will last. I have a terrible memory about what to do. These days I even forget my own license plate number in the parking lot. Basically, I am one of the hedonists like mos of the human beings. As sucha, I've also been striving to maximize net pleasure. But I should become an ethical hedonist. I should acknowledge her right to do everything in her power to achieve the greatest amount of pleasure possible to her. But I shouldn't take any slightest actions which might infringe on her rights. I'm trying to change my attitude for her unlike in the past. For starters, I need to shrink and make her flourish. What is amazing is that she uniformly provided me a useful piece of advice to help me mature at a phenomenal speed. Things will unfold contrary to my expectations. But I'm not afraid to be attcked by the way. If we fought almost 20 years, we probably may have harbored much grudge against each other. But we have not. I will win the battle against myself even after much sacrifice and make my kindess sustainable forever. My past is not an issue. What will be considered in front of Jesus will what I will do in relation to her.