[빅] Big
Big
SCENE 1
JOSH: You are standing in the cavern of the evil wizard. All around you are the carcasses of slain ice dwarfs...Melt the wizard. What do you want to melt him with? What do you think I want to melt him with...(Josh, don뭪 forget to take out the garbage) Just a second! Throw the...(Josh, did you hear what your mother said?) One minute! (Josh Baskin!) Your hesitancy has cost you dearly. The wizard, sensing your apprehension, unleashes a fatal blow from the ice scepter. With luck, you will thaw in several million years. Great.
MOM: C뭢on Josh, it뭩 starting to get awfully late!
JOSH: Okay. Okay. Okay.
SCENE 2
JOSH: Take the garbage out. Every day, take the garbage out...Rick Rodin is on the mound for the Yankees! He looks into the catcher뭩 mitt, shakes off the first signal, takes the turn, wipes the sweat off his brow, leans back and fires...
BILLY: Yeah! Good-bye Mr. Spaulding! ...Here, here! Quick!
SCENE 3
JOSH: Got it. Need it. Need it. Got it.
BILLY: Hey. Hey. Hey! You ever go by Simpson뭩 desk when she뭩 grading papers or somethin ? When she뭩 leaned over, you can see right down her shirt.
JOSH: No!
BILLY: Swear to God.
JOSH: Bra?
BILLY: No. No. She뭩 got one of those undershirt things. So if you get real close to the board, you can see all the way down to her flowers.
JOSH: Woah!
BILLY: Yeah. Give me your gum.
JOSH: Need it. Got it. Got it. Need it...
BILLY: Hey. Hey. Hey! Oh my God, it뭩 Cynthia! How did a geek like Freddy Benson get a sister like that?
JOSH: Beats me.
CYNTHIA: Hi Josh.
BILLY: Hi!...He says hi!...Unbelievable! God! She likes you! I know she likes you! I뭠l find out, okay!
SCENE 4
BILLY &
JOSH: Shimmy, shimmy cocoa pop! Shimmy, shimmy rock! Shimmy, shimmy cocoa pop! Shimmy, shimmy rock! I met a girlfriend a triscuit! She said, a triscuit a biscuit! Ice cream, soda pop, vanilla on the top! Ooh, Shelly뭩 out, walking down the street, ten times a week! I read it! I said it! I stole my momma뭩 credit! I뭢 cool! I뭢 hot! Sock me in the stomach three more times!
JOSH: Don뭪 forget to call me after supper.
BILLY: Okay.
JOSH: Remember about Cynthia!
BILLY: Don뭪 worry! I뭢 as interested as you are.
SCENE 5
JOSH: So, will you tell me?
BILLY: You뭨e in!
JOSH: What do you mean, I뭢 in?
BILLY: Cynthia Benson!
JOSH: What about her?
BILLY: You ready for this? She doesn뭪 like Barry anymore!
JOSH: So?
BILLY: So what do you mean so?! That뭩 it! She뭩 available!
MOM: Josh...?
JOSH: It doesn뭪 mean...
MOM: Hey, it뭩 after midnight. Now say goodnight to Billy.
JOSH: Goodnight Billy. I뭭e gotta go.
BILLY: Goodnight Mrs. Baskin! Sweet dreams.
SCENE 6
DAD: Are you sure you want to go on this thing, Son?
JOSH: Yeah!
MOM: Nah! Nah! I don뭪 know about this one, Bob. No, this looks too scary.
DAD: It뭩 okay.
JOSH: Oh my gosh!
MOM: See, I told you he doesn뭪 want to go on it.
DAD: Son, you know, you don뭪 have to go on this thing if you don뭪 feel like it.
JOSH: No! No! It뭩 just that I...I want to go on it myself.
MOM: You do?
JOSH: Yeah. I think it뭩 something...yeah, I think it뭩 something I should do.
DAD: Great! Why don뭪 we meet you at the ferris wheel.
JOSH: Half hour.
SCENE 7
CYNTHIA: Josh?
JOSH: Oh, hi!
CYNTHIA: Hi! Have you been on this before?
JOSH: This?
CYNTHIA: Yeah.
JOSH: Yes.
CYNTHIA: Is it scary?
JOSH: Yes.
CYNTHIA: Are you here alone?
JOSH: Yes.
CYNTHIA: Look. Aren뭪 those your parents?
JOSH: Where?
MOM: Honey!
CYNTHIA: Right over there.
MOM: Smile!
JOSH: Why, yes.
DARIN: Hey, who뭩 this?
CYNTHIA: This is Josh Baskin.
DARIN: How ya doin ?
CYNTHIA: This is Darin. He drives.
MAN: Next!
DARIN: Go ahead.
MAN: Yo next!
DARIN: Go ahead!
MAN: Yo next! Woah! Read this sign. You must be at least this big to ride this ride!
CYNTHIA: What?
MAN: Hey, I don뭪 make the rules here. Next! Next!
CYNTHIA: Well, it뭩 a stupid rule.
MAN: Look, why don뭪 you try the kiddy ride?
SCENE 8
JOSH: Drop twenty-five cents here. C뭢on! C뭢on! C뭢on! ...Neat! ...Make my wish....I wish I were big....Your wish is granted.
SCENE 9
MOM: Josh! Josh! Josh!
JOSH: What?
MOM: It뭩 seven-thirty. Are you up? ...Come on Sleepy Head! You뭨e going to miss the bus and I can뭪 drive you today! ...What does he do in his sleep? ...Honey? I put out some clean clothes. Bring down your dungarees and stuff for the laundry, okay?
JOSH: Okay.
MOM: Are you getting a cold, Josh?
JOSH: No! Fine!
MOM: He뭩 got a cold. Then Rachel뭩 gonna get a cold and I뭢 gonna get a cold...
JOSH: Oh my God.
MOM: Breakfast is ready, Josh!
JOSH: Be right there!
MOM: Josh! Hurry up! Your eggs are getting cold! ...Bring down Rachel with you, all right?
JOSH: Okay!
MOM: You want orange juice or...What about your breakfast?!
SCENE 10
MOM: Oh, you...don뭪! Don뭪!
JOSH: I뭢 sorry! ...Mom, it뭩 me. It뭩 Josh. Mom, I뭢 a grown up!
MOM: Stop it! Oh God!
JOSH: I made a wish last night...I turned into a grown up, Mom! I made this wish on a machine...
MOM: Go away! Go away! Please!
JOSH: ...and it turned me into a grown up! It was last night at the carnival! My birthday is November 3rd...I got a B on my history test!
MOM: Here뭩 my purse! You can have anything that뭩 in it! Go away!
JOSH: My, my, my baseball team is called the Dukes! Uh, I made this for you! Who are you calling? Ah! I have a birthmark behind my left knee!
MOM: You bastard! What did you do to my son?
JOSH: I am your son, Mom!
MOM: Where is my child?! Where is my son?! Police!
SCENE 11
COACH: Heads up! Heads up out there!
BILLY: I뭢 open! Here! I뭢 open!
COACH: I want you to gather up these balls, go to the locker room and get on to your next class! Wash shirts and shorts! Billy. Do us both a favor. Put the balls in the equipment closet and you practice your lay up.
SCENE 12
JOSH: Billy.
BILLY: Yeah? What?
JOSH: It뭩 me. It뭩 Josh!
BILLY: Coach Burns! Coach Burns! Coach Burns!
JOSH: Wait a minute! Shut up! Shut up! I뭢 your best friend, you뭭e gotta believe me! I뭠l prove it to you! Billy, please!
BILLY: Help! Help!
JOSH: God damn it Billy Kopecky! Look, I know that I don뭪 look like myself, okay! But something really strange happened and I뭢 really scared and I need your help! You뭨e my best friend! I can prove it to you! ...Ooh! The spades go, Down! Down! Baby! Down! Down the roller coaster! Sweet, sweet baby! Sweet, sweet delectable! Shimmy, shimmy cocoa pop! Shimmy, shimmy rock! Shimmy, shimmy cocoa pop! Shimmy, shimmy rock! I met a girlfriend a triscuit! She said a triscuit a biscuit! Ice cream, soda pop, vanilla on the top! Ooh Shelly, walking down the street, ten times a week! I met it! I said it! I stole my mother뭩 credit! I뭢 cool! I뭢 hot! Sock me in the stomach three more times!
BILLY: Josh? You look terrible.
JOSH: I know.
SCENE 13
POLICE: That뭩 right. We뭨e at the scene right now. Well, she뭩 pretty upset and she뭩 not making any sense at all. There뭩 no ransom note, no prints, there뭩 no nothin. Tell you what, file a report and to be on the safe side...
KID#1: I bet he ran away. Wish I could.
KID#2: Want me to pack your bags?
SCENE 14
BILLY: We go to the city, we lay low for a couple of days, find that Zoltar Machine, make your wish...you뭠l be home by Thursday!
JOSH: Well, I뭢 not supposed to go to New York without my folks!
BILLY: C뭢on! You뭠l be fine! ...Here.
JOSH: Where did you get this?!
BILLY: From my Dad뭩 top drawer!
JOSH: You stole it?!
BILLY: It뭩 his emergency fund!
JOSH: Jesus Billy!
BILLY: Well what do you call this?!
SCENE 15
WOMAN: You lookin for some fun tonight sweet thing?
JOSH: No, thank you.
MAN: Hey man, can you spare some change?
JOSH: No, not really.
BILLY: Hey, this looks okay.
JOSH: No it doesn뭪.
BILLY: Saint James, Josh, it뭩 religious.
SCENE 16
BILLY: Hi.
JOSH: Hi.
MAN: Burp!
JOSH: Uh, we would like a hotel room, please.
MAN: $17.50 a night for the room, $10.00 deposit for the sheets....You go straight to the top of the stairs. It뭩 the last door on the right. Next to the bathroom. Wait a second, I뭠l show you.
SCENE 17
BILLY: It smells bad.
JOSH: Shh!
MAN: Have a pleasant stay....Hey Angel! Get out of that bathroom now!
JOSH: I don뭪 want to stay here by myself.
BILLY: I can뭪 help it Josh. I뭭e gotta be home by ten. Look, I뭠l cut classes tomorrow and we뭠l find that Zoltar thing before you know it, okay? It뭩 just one night. All right?
JOSH: All right.
BILLY: Good.
JOSH: What if I can뭪 sleep?
BILLY: It뭩 probably better if you don뭪. See you in the morning.
JOSH: Well, you mean like what time?
BILLY: 8:30. I뭗 use the chain if I were you.
JOSH: Mom...Mom....
SCENE 18
JOSH: I told you, it뭩 not a video game.
BILLY: Well, what is it?
JOSH: Well, it뭩 not a video game.
BILLY: This one뭩 got a number on it. Does yours?
JOSH: No. Oh wait, here뭩 one.
MAN: Hey, what are doing? What are doing?
JOSH: Do you have Zoltar?
MAN: No. I told you, I looked back in the back. I뭭e got Powerhouse, I뭭e got ...
JOSH: We really need Zoltar.
MAN: Well, I haven뭪 got it.
SCENE 19
BILLY: This is it.
JOSH: They aren뭪 going to have it.
BILLY: They뭠l have it.
MAN: Can I help you?
JOSH: Yes. We would like a list of all carnivals and fairs.
BILLY: And arcades.
JOSH: Yeah.
MAN: Carnivals and fairs...Try Consumer Affairs, down the hall, room 111.
JOSH: Thank you.
SCENE 20
WOMAN: Fill this out in triplicate. $5.00 filing charge.
BILLY: See.
WOMAN: One month to process. You get in six weeks.
JOSH: Six weeks?
WOMAN: Sometimes longer, but, you could get lucky....Next please!
SCENE 21
JOSH: I뭢 gonna be thirty years old for the rest of my life.
BILLY: Would you come on. We뭠l figure something out. By the way, you may be older than that!
JOSH: So now what?
BILLY: I뭠l come and see you everyday after school.
JOSH: How?
BILLY: I뭠l tell them I made the basketball team.
JOSH: I won뭪 have anything to do.
BILLY: You can get a job.
JOSH: I can뭪 get a job.
BILLY: Why? It can뭪 be any different than school. What are you good at?
JOSH: I don뭪 know. Making spit balls?
SCENE 22
BILLY: How about a delivery man?
JOSH: I don뭪 know how drive.
BILLY: Oh yeah, right...Cardiological technician, civil engineer...
JOSH: You gonna eat your cherry?
BILLY: Go ahead....Clerical transcriber...
JOSH: Billy?
BILLY: Yeah....Gross. God, that뭩 gross!
JOSH: Hey, go on to the next column.
BILLY: Collection agent, company clerk, computer operator, construction engineer...
JOSH: Computer operator? Computer operator, read that one.
BILLY: Josh, would you quit with your stupid computers!
JOSH: Just read it!
BILLY: Macmillan Toys...toys!
JOSH: Toys!
SCENE 23
WOMAN: Macmillan Toys, may I help you?
BILLY: Okay, what뭩 next? There.
JOSH: Previous employment.
BILLY: Your paper route.
JOSH: I can뭪 put that.
BILLY: Paper route circulation?
JOSH: Yeah!
BILLY: What뭩 he got? Hey, don뭪 worry about it.
JOSH: Social Security number?
BILLY: 32-17-25.
JOSH: What is that?
BILLY: My locker combination.
JOSH: Great!
WOMAN: Mr. Baskin. Mr. Baskin?
JOSH: Yes. Yes.
WOMAN: The Personnel Director will see you now....Uh, you son can wait out here.
JOSH: Yeah, okay. Son, you should sit down and don뭪 give the lady any trouble now.
BILLY: Sure Dad! ...Don뭪 forget--look him in the eye!
SCENE 24
MAN: Couple of numbers missing on your Social Security.
JOSH: Oh, uh twelve.
MAN: One two. Says here you뭭e got four years experience.
JOSH: Yes.
MAN: All on computers?
JOSH: Yes.
MAN: Where did you go to school?
JOSH: It was called George Washington.
MAN: Oh, G.W. My brother-in-law got his doctorate there. Did you pledge?
JOSH: Yes. Every morning.
SUSAN: It happened again! David, the girl is absolutely useless! You뭭e got to get me someone who knows what she is doing! Excuse me. I뭢 not getting any of my mail, nothing has been filed! Ever since she got engaged, my life has been a disaster!
MAN: You know, she came so highly recommended.
SUSAN: She spent the last three months writing down her married name. Mrs. Judy Hicks. Mrs. Donald Hicks. Mrs. Judy Mitchleson Hicks. Sometimes with a hyphen, sometimes without a hyphen. Sometimes she spells the hyphen!
MAN: Well, I really don뭪 know where I can put her.
SUSAN: Put her on unemployment!
MAN: When can you start?
JOSH: Soon.
SCENE 25
MAN: I thought we뭗 start you out with preschoolers. Should take you a few days. Give you a chance to find your way around. Do you smoke?
JOSH: Well, uh, just once, but...
MAN: Only on breaks in the coffee room....Most of that is pretty straight forward stuff. If you have any questions, come to me. Good luck.
JOSH: Bye!
SCENE 26
SCOTT: Psst! Psst! Hey! Hey! I뭢 Scott Brennan.
JOSH: Uh, I뭢 Josh Baskin.
SCOTT: Listen, what are you trying to do? Get us all fired?
JOSH: Huh?
SCOTT: You뭭e gotta slow down. Pace yourself. Slowly! Slowly!
JOSH: Sorry. Today뭩 my first day.
SCOTT: I know!
JOSH: So how long have you worked here?
SCOTT: Five years. Work stinks but the fringe benefits are great! See that girl over there in the red? Say hi to her and she뭠l be yours. She뭠l wrap her legs around you so tight you뭠l be begging for mercy!
JOSH: Well, I뭠l stay away from her then!
SCOTT: Excuse me. Yeah Brennan. I gave it to you yesterday! Oh, here it is. I don뭪 have time to xerox it. Let the new guy do it.
SCENE 27
MR. M: That뭩 total bullshit Paul!
PAUL: Look sir, the favorability rate is...
MR. M: Come on! Let뭩 not lie to ourselves! If a kid likes a toy it sells. That뭩 all!
SUSAN: But every bit of research and focus testing...
MR. M: It works with research, it works with focus testing, it just doesn뭪 work with the kids!
JOSH: Sorry! I뭢 sorry!
PAUL: Why don뭪 you watch where the hell you뭨e going!
SUSAN: Are you okay!
MR. M: I뭢 fine.
PAUL: You could kill somebody running around here like that!
MR. M: It뭩 all right Paul. The boss should get knocked on his ass once in a while. It뭩 good for him.
PAUL: I don뭪 know sir, maybe you should see a doctor.
MR. M: For crying out loud Paul, I뭢 fine! I뭢 fine!
PAUL: Sorry sir! Sorry!
MR. M: Where were you going anyway, son?
JOSH: Uh, I was going to the xerox room because they needed these by 5:00.
MR. M: Oh, that뭩 good! Nothing wrong with a little hustle. Nothing at all! Right Paul?
PAUL: What does he mean? I hustle! Uh sir! Sir!
SCENE 28
MOM: Hello? ...Hello?
JOSH: Hello. Mrs. Baskin?
MOM: Yes.
JOSH: How are you?
MOM: Who is this?
JOSH: I just wanted you to know that Josh is all right. He뭩 okay.
MOM: You have my boy?
JOSH: Yeah. And you뭨e gonna get him back, just the way he was.
MOM: Look, I swear to God--If you do anything to him, if you touch one hair on his head, I will spend the rest of my life making sure you suffer!
JOSH: Wow! Thanks!
MOM: Let me talk to Josh!
JOSH: Oh, he can뭪 come to the phone right now.
MOM: Why not? Why not? What did you do to him?!
JOSH: I didn뭪 do anything to him! I think he뭩 a terrific kid!
MOM: I want proof that he뭩 all right!
JOSH: Uh, well, all right. Ask me something that only he would know. Then I뭠l ask him for you and that way you뭠l know that he뭩 okay.
MOM: Ask him what I used to sing to him when he was a little boy.
JOSH: Isn뭪 there something else that you would rather ask him?
MOM: Ask him!
JOSH: Oh, I got it! I got it! Memories, like the corner of my mind. Misty water color memories, of the way we were. Scattered pictures...Look, you뭨e gonna see him again really soon. I promise. I cross my heart. We뭠l talk about this later.
SCENE 29
MAN: Harris! Brennan! Baskin!
JOSH: What is this?
SCOTT: Pay day.
JOSH: $187.00?! Ha! Ha!
SCOTT: Yeah. They really screw you, don뭪 they?
SCENE 30
JOSH: Hi.
WOMAN: Hi. Okay, so how would you like that?
JOSH: Three dimes, a hundred dollar bill, and eighty seven ones.
WOMAN: One, two, three...
SCENE 31
JOSH: I뭢 never eating again.
BILLY: It wasn뭪 that bad.
JOSH: It was the boat ride that did it.
BILLY: No, it was the pork rinds.
JOSH: Pork rinds! Aghh! We sure had fun, didn뭪 we?
BILLY: Yeah, we sure did.
SCENE 32
BOY: Got you!
JOSH: What뭩 your name?
BOY: Jordan, what뭩 yours?
JOSH: Mine뭩 Josh.
BOY: I뭢 gonna blow you away Josh!
JOSH: But I just got you!
BOY: No way! Get back here!
SCENE 33
MR. M: You work for me, don뭪 you?
JOSH: Yes.
MR. M: I thought so. What, are you here with your kids?
JOSH: No. I was just looking around.
MR. M: Oh. Me too. I come here every Saturday. Can뭪 see this on a marketing report.
JOSH: What뭩 a marketing report?
MR. M: Exactly. Come on. What do you think of that?
JOSH: The Championship Hockey? Oh, I love it. Only the...
MR. M: Only what?
JOSH: Well, the pieces don뭪 move.
MR. M: What do you mean?
JOSH: Well, on the old set you could slide the men up and down the ice, and now all they do is spin around. It was more like real hockey the old way. Why did they change it?
MR. M: I don뭪 know.
JOSH: You see, the Star Fighters are good because you can change all the pieces. But I never liked the Galactakons. You only get one robot, and they don뭪 come with a vehicle.
MR. M: I see.
JOSH: Plus you can뭪 take them underwater. And if you do they...Neat!
MR. M: Okay, let뭩 check out the...Piano lessons?
JOSH: Three years.
MR. M: Me too. Everyday, after school....Chopsticks....What department did you say you were in?
JOSH: Oh, I뭢 in computers.
MR. M: Computers? You just saved me a trip to the gym Son.
SCENE 34
SUSAN: Vice President in charge of Product Development.
PAUL: Vice President! He뭩 only been here a week! Vice President?!
SUSAN: And he came from data processing!
PAUL: He뭩 out of his mind! The old man has finally lost it!
SUSAN: Did you know they gave him Bob뭩 old office?
PAUL: Bob뭩 office?! Bob뭩 office is bigger than my office! There뭩 got to be a reason. Things like this don뭪 happen unless there뭩 a reason.
SCENE 35
BILLY: That means if the president dies you get to take over?
JOSH: No. No. They got a hundred of them. Are we ready?
WOMAN: Yes Mr. Baskin.
JOSH: Come on in.
BILLY: Look at this place! It뭩 bigger than the principal뭩 office!
JOSH: How would you know?
BILLY: Remember that explosion in science?
JOSH: Oh yes!
BILLY: Truck-a-Killer! $59.95?
JOSH: You know that only costs 10 bucks to make.
BILLY: Get out of here! ...What is this?
JOSH: Oh, well, this is just...They just put this in here...it doesn뭪 mean anything.
BILLY: So what do they make you do for all this?
JOSH: Well, I play with all of this stuff and then, I go in there and tell them what I think.
BILLY: That뭩 it?
JOSH: Yeah.
BILLY: And they pay you for that?
JOSH: Yeah.
BILLY: Suckers!
JOSH: Oh, thank you Miss Patterson. Hey! Miss Patterson. Could you call down to Media and have them send up a video tape of the Giants Broncos Super Bowl? And have them edit out all the commercials and talkin and stuff?
WOMAN: Yes Mr. Baskin.
JOSH: Miss Patterson.
BILLY: You뭨e the luckiest guy I know.
SCENE 36
PAUL: Did you check Mattel?
SUSAN: Nothing.
PAUL: Colleco?
SUSAN: Zero.
PAUL: He can뭪 come from nowhere Susan. He has to come from somewhere. How about Hasbro?
SUSAN: Yes. And Fisher Price and Worlds of Wonder. I have called everywhere. Nobody뭩 ever heard of him!
PAUL: Great!
SUSAN: Face it Paul. The guy comes from data processing.
PAUL: Terrific. That is just terrific! This is just terrific!
SUSAN: You뭨e being paranoid Paul.
SCENE 37
PAUL: These tests were conducted over a six month period using a double-blind format of eight over-lapping demographic groups. Every region of the country was sampled, the focus testing showed a solid base in the 9 to 11-year old bracket--with a possible carry-over into the 12-year olds. When you consider that Nobots and Transformers pull over 37 percent market share, and that we are targeting the same area, I think that we should see one quarter of that and that is one fifth of the total revenue from all of last year. Any questions? Yes? Yes?
JOSH: I don뭪 get it.
PAUL: What exactly don뭪 you get?
JOSH: It turns from a building into a robot, right?
PAUL: Precisely.
JOSH: Well, what뭩 fun about that?
PAUL: Well, if you had read your industry breakdown, you would see that our success in the action figure area has climbed from 27 percent to 45 percent in the last two years. There, that might help.
JOSH: Oh.
PAUL: Yes?
JOSH: I still don뭪 get it.
PAUL: What?!
MR. M: What don뭪 you get Josh?
JOSH: Well, there뭩 a million robots that turn into something. And this is a building that turns into a robot. So what뭩 so fun about playing with a building? That뭩 not any fun!
PAUL: This is a skyscraper.
JOSH: Well, couldn뭪 it be like a robot that turns into something like a bug or something?
PAUL: A bug?
JOSH: Yeah! Like a big prehistoric insect with maybe like giant claws that could pick up a car and crush it like that!
MAN: A prehistoric transformer?
MR. M: Interesting.
PAUL: Gentlemen!
MAN: So the robot turns into a bug.
PAUL: Ah, gentlemen, listen...
MAN: Listen to him. He뭩 got a very good idea here. The robot turns into a bug.
MAN: This is a great idea!
JOSH: Different sizes and things. And...you could have them wreck something...
MAN: A lady bug. Transformers for girls!
MR. M: This is a bug that moves....It뭩 got all kinds of possibilities.
PAUL: This doesn뭪 just happen. This doesn뭪 happen. You don뭪 just come to a meeting and say 밷ugs.
SUSAN: I, uh....
MR. M: Well done, Josh. Well done.
SCENE 38
PAUL: Ho! Ho! Ho! He is vicious!
SUSAN: He뭩 not vicious.
PAUL: Oh, come on Susan, don뭪 kid yourself. That man is a killer!
SUSAN: All he said was 밒 don뭪 get it.
PAUL: I don뭪 get it! I don뭪 get! I don뭪 get! He뭩 going for the throat, trying to eviscerate me! Did you see the look on Macmillan뭩 face?!
SUSAN: Mmm Hmm.
SCENE 39
REALTOR: It뭩 quite a unique space. The lines are so clean and you don뭪 get any of that partition quality. It has 50-foot ceilings, all hardwood floors, ample closet space, a modern kitchen, a brand new bathroom with a jet stream jacuzzi.
BILLY: We뭠l take it.
SCENE 40
MAN: Baskin. Rental delivery!
JOSH: Dear Mom and Dad. They said that I could write you and let you know I was okay. So far, they뭨e treating me fine. I뭭e got enough to eat and I뭢 perfectly safe. They say that I뭠l get out of here in about a month. In the mean time, it뭩 a lot like camp! I watch TV and even get outside once in a while. I know you miss me. But try not to worry. I think this experience might even be good for me. I love you very much and I know that I뭠l see you soon. Your son, Joshua. P.S. Give Rachel a kiss from her big brother.
SCENE 41
WOMAN: It뭩 very beautiful and I뭢 having a lovely time.
MR. M: I뭢 glad Miss Patterson.
WOMAN: It뭩 much better than last year. I just wanted to tell you that.
MR. M: I뭠l have another scotch....Susan.
SUSAN: Love your tux.
MR. M: I think it뭩 the same as the maitre뭩.
SUSAN: Have you decided what you뭨e doing on the Danberry line?
MR. M: No, I haven뭪.
SUSAN: Well, uh, I think if you got everyone뭩 input up front, I mean right from the beginning....
MR. M: Susan, have a drink.
SUSAN: What?
MR. M: Have a couple drinks. It뭩 a party.
SCENE 42
MR. M: Josh! Glad you could make it.
MAN: Bet he gets another raise.
MR. M: Now that뭩 what I call a tuxedo.
JOSH: I rented it. This is a real bow tie though. I tied it myself. And that뭩 why I was late.
MR. M: No, you뭨e not late at all. Come on, let me show you around.
JOSH: Hey, there뭩 Miss Patterson! Hi! There뭩 the guy from the meeting! Hi!
SCENE 43
PAUL: The guy뭩 a damn knock-off artist.
MAN: What do you mean?
PAUL: The Amphibian? He takes 10,000 G. I. Joes, slaps some gills on them, webs their feet, and packages them in seaweed....So I show him the schedule and he says, 밒t뭩 not correct accounting procedure! Give me a goddamn break!
MAN: But the toy sold Paul.
SUSAN: Excuse me.
SCENE 44
SUSAN: Hi.
JOSH: Hi.
SUSAN: All the same people having all the same discussion. It뭩 like they cloned some party in 1983 and kept spinning it out again and again and again. I loved your ideas on the Squeezy Doll line.
JOSH: Thanks.
SUSAN: They were so, incisive. It뭩 Beluga. Macmillan orders it every year....You all right? You okay? You want a glass of water? You want something to drink?
JOSH: Could I have a milkshake or something?
SUSAN: I뭭e got a car outside. You want to get out of here?
JOSH: Uh Huh.
SUSAN: Let뭩 go.
SCENE 45
SUSAN: I뭢 not really a big one for parties. You know, I like things that are a little more intimate.
JOSH: Wow! Is this your car?
SUSAN: Well, it뭩 the company뭩 car.
JOSH: Oh, this is the coolest thing I뭭e ever seen!
SUSAN: I mean, just seeing someone in the office, you don뭪 really get a chance to know them. I mean, just being with you here tonight, I really get a sense of who you are.
JOSH: Are you gonna eat these fries?
SUSAN: No. No....
JOSH: Hey mister? You want some of these fries? We뭨e not going to eat them.
DRIVER: No, thank you.
SUSAN: You see, it뭩 hard in a business situation...I mean there뭩 this invisible line and even you뭨e attracted to someone...What, are you going to call someone before...?
JOSH: No.
SUSAN: Uh, I mean at this point in my life I...Don뭪...Don뭪 play with the radio...Leave the uh...Don뭪...I뭢 really vulnerable right now! You know...I mean, I love my job and I....
JOSH: Ejector seat! This is great! Hey! Come on up! Hey, that was my apartment.
SUSAN: Really? I뭗 love to see where you live.
SCENE 46
SUSAN: So have you always lived alone?
JOSH: No, not always.
SUSAN: Ah. Is it just recently or...?
JOSH: Yeah.
SUSAN: Give yourself a couple of days, it뭠l pass.
JOSH: Well, they said it was gonna take six weeks.
SUSAN: Well, it can be painful but, that뭩 what they invented Xanax for, right?
JOSH: Watch your step.
SUSAN: I뭢 not sure we should do this yet.
JOSH: Do what?
SUSAN: Well, I mean I like you and I want to spend the night with you....
JOSH: Do you mean sleep over?
SUSAN: Well,...yeah!
JOSH: Okay! But I get to be on top!
SCENE 47
SUSAN: You live here?
JOSH: Yeah. It뭩 nice, isn뭪 it?
SUSAN: Yeah.
JOSH: You uh, want a soda?
SUSAN: Huh?
JOSH: Soda? You want one?
SUSAN: Yeah, sure.
JOSH: They rigged this up so you don뭪 need any quarters....Don뭪! Don뭪...!
SUSAN: What?
JOSH: The glue뭩 not dry. Sorry.
SUSAN: Sorry.
JOSH: It뭩 okay....You wanna play pinball?
SUSAN: No.
JOSH: You don뭪 need quarters for this either. It뭩 free.
SUSAN: No, thank you.
JOSH: Okay.
SUSAN: Is that a trampoline?
JOSH: Yeah. You wanna try it?
SUSAN: No.
JOSH: You should. It뭩 really fun. It뭩 simple, too. Come on! Come on! You뭠l like it and it뭩 really easy to do.
SUSAN: No, I don뭪 think...
JOSH: I뭢 serious...
SUSAN: Do have some wine?
JOSH: Take off your shoes...It뭩 really easy....Let me get rid of these balls.
SUSAN: No, I뭢...I뭢...I뭠l watch.
JOSH: Come on. It뭩 fun. I뭠l do it with you. Up you go. Excellent.
SUSAN: Help me up?
JOSH: Sure.
SUSAN: Okay.
JOSH: Okay. Jump.
SUSAN: You want me to jump?
JOSH: Yes.
SUSAN: There. Now can we have a drink?
JOSH: No! No! No! I mean really jump. Now get some air between you and the trampoline.
SUSAN: There.
JOSH: Oh, come on! I뭠l do it with you! All right? I뭠l show you how to do it. You ready? Come on. Jump. See? There it is. That뭩 all there is to it. There you go. There you go. Yeah! It뭩 easy! Anybody could do this!
SCENE 48
JOSH: Here. Pick one....It뭩 for you. It뭩 a glow in the dark compass ring...so you won뭪 get lost....Goodnight.
SCENE 49
PAUL: Did you have fun last night?
SUSAN: Sure. Yeah.
PAUL: Yeah...You left pretty quick.
SUSAN: I gave him a ride home Paul.
PAUL: Oh, did he enjoy it?
SUSAN: Don뭪 be ridiculous.
PAUL: Ah, that뭩 me, Mr. Ridiculous. Just a silly old guy.
SUSAN: I don뭪 feel like going out tonight.
PAUL: What do you mean? They뭨e your friends....Come on! Leave it! Leave it! Would you quit it! Do you have to play with everything?
SCENE 50
PAUL: Baskin? Baskin!
JOSH: Wouldn뭪 you rather play basketball? I know how to play that. We could be like a team for the Macmillan Company.
PAUL: No.
JOSH: I뭢 not very good at sports, but I뭠l give it a try. My best sport is video hockey.
PAUL: That isn뭪 a sport.
JOSH: Well, it takes eye to hand coordination.
PAUL: It뭩 not a sport if you don뭪 sweat!
JOSH: What about golf? You don뭪 sweat and that뭩 a sport.
PAUL: Yeah, and you뭨e not sittin there letting some machine do all the work!
JOSH: What about car racing?
PAUL: Aw shut up Baskin!
JOSH: What are the rules again?
PAUL: I told you. Over the line to serve. Yellow is out of bounds. Play to 21--ready?
JOSH: Sorry. Sorry.
PAUL: One nothing. Come on! Get it! Get it! Get it!
JOSH: Okay.
PAUL: Thatta boy! Okay, you ready? All right....Ho ho! Nice try! That was in! Two zip. Just made it. Two zip. Ready? Okay! Here we go!...19/18.
JOSH: Uh, that was under the line.
PAUL: What?
JOSH: That was under the line. You said it had to be over the line on a serve.
PAUL: No I didn뭪.
JOSH: Yeah you did! You said it had to be over the line on a serve!
PAUL: No I did not, now give me the goddamn ball!
JOSH: Well that뭩 cheating!
PAUL: Give me the goddamn ball, will ya!
JOSH: No!
PAUL: Give me the ball you little shit!
JOSH: It뭩 my serve.
PAUL: Give me the ball! Give me the goddamn ball! I never said that!
JOSH: Yes you did.
PAUL: Give me the...Give me the ball! Give me the ball!
JOSH: Cheater! You cheat!
PAUL: I did not cheat!
JOSH: You cheat! You cheat!
PAUL: Give me the ball! Give me the ball! Give me it! Give me the ball!
SCENE 51
JOSH: He didn뭪 have to punch me.
SUSAN: I know. He뭩 scared of you. You don뭪 play his game.
JOSH: I tried to play his game. He beat me up. If he뭩 scared of me then why did he punch me?
SUSAN: He punched you because he뭩 scared of you.
JOSH: I don뭪 get it.
SUSAN: It뭩 just the way he is. Everything is a fight with him. Everyone뭩 an enemy. It뭩 not just a job for him, it뭩 a war.
JOSH: Well how come you뭨e so nice?
SUSAN: What?
JOSH: Well, you work just as hard as he does and you뭨e not like that.
SUSAN: You don뭪...you don뭪 know me that well.
JOSH: Yes I do. You뭨e one of the nicest people I뭭e met.
SUSAN: How do you do it?
SCENE 52
PAUL: What뭩 this?
SUSAN: What does it look like?! Shampoo, razor, toothpaste, two neckties and your exercise tape! Oh, and I want my keys back!
PAUL: Sure. It뭩 just some scratches. He뭠l get over it.
SUSAN: Oh, it has nothing to do with him.
PAUL: Oh come on Susan! He뭩 just another link in the chain! First it was Tom Caulfield, then Handlen. Then Golding, then me! Am I missing somebody?
SUSAN: It뭩 not like that anymore!
PAUL: What is so special about Baskin?
SUSAN: He뭩 a grown up!
PAUL: Susan.
SUSAN: I can뭪 believe you brought up Golding.
SCENE 53
BILLY: And many more! What are you going to wish for this time?
SCENE 54
BILLY: I know what we can do! We can go out and get some beers, some dirty magazines and go back...
JOSH: Uh, I can뭪 Billy.
BILLY: What you mean you can뭪? Of course you can! It뭩 your birthday!
JOSH: No, I can뭪...I have to go somewhere.
BILLY: Where?
JOSH: Um...well, I have to go meet somebody and...
BILLY: So, you got all night!
JOSH: Yeah I know, but it뭩 just...well I can뭪 right now okay, but I뭠l call you, all right? Okay? I뭠l give you a call. Thanks again Billy, it was fun!
SCENE 55
SUSAN: Hi....Do you want to come in?
JOSH: Sure.
SUSAN: Sit down....Want to go?
JOSH: Yeah! Yeah!
SCENE 56
JOSH: Want to go again?!
SCENE 57
JOSH: So they have these cars that you can actually drive them except they뭨e on this rail so you can뭪 get off the road...You have a really big gob of mustard right, right...
SUSAN: What?
JOSH: Mustard right....
SUSAN: Where?
JOSH: Right there.
SUSAN: Is it gone?
JOSH: Well,....
SUSAN: Is that...gone?
JOSH: Yeah.
SUSAN: Listen.
JOSH: What? Music?
SUSAN: Wanna dance?
JOSH: Dance?
SUSAN: Well we don뭪 have to if you don뭪 want to.
JOSH: Okay. Okay.
SUSAN: All right.
JOSH: Okay....Are you cold?
SUSAN: Mm Mm.
JOSH: We could get some hot chocolate....You can wear my jacket if you want.
SCENE 58
SUSAN: Oh, I haven뭪 done this in a long time....What were you like when you were younger?
JOSH: Oh, I wasn뭪 much different.
SUSAN: I believe that about you....I뭭e been thinking about you a lot....It뭩 crazy....In my car, lying in bed....I뭭e just never gone out with someone like you....With all the other men there was so much to hide....I feel like I can tell you anything.
JOSH: Susan? There뭩 something I think I should tell you.
SUSAN: What?
SCENE 59
SUSAN: You want the light on?
SCENE 60
JOSH: Hey Frank, how are you? Good morning everybody!
WOMAN: Good morning Sir.
JOSH: I뭗 like some coffee please Miss Patterson.
WOMAN: But you don뭪 drink coffee.
JOSH: And uh, make it black.
SCENE 61
WOMAN: You know, you two should come to Vermont. It is so pretty up there.
MAN: Did anyone happen to see that great documentary about Columbus on PBS the other night?
WOMAN: Uh, no. Was it good?
MAN: I had no idea he had a fourth ship.
JOSH: Yeah, the Santa Christina.
MAN: That뭩 right.
JOSH: He only had that on his second trip, though.
MAN: You saw it, too.
JOSH: No, but I used to study...stuff.
MAN: Really?
BOY: Dad, I need some help.
MAN: All right, but not now Adam.
BOY: Yeah, but Dad you said...
MAN: Adam we have guests.
WOMAN: He뭩 had the roughest time with algebra. We뭭e tried tutors, everything.
JOSH: Algebra? I used to study that, too.
SCENE 62
JOSH: All right, let뭩 say Larry Bird is going to score 10 points in the first quarter.
BOY: Okay?
JOSH: How many is he going to score in the whole game?
BOY: That뭩 easy, that뭩 40 points.
JOSH: Probably. Okay. And that뭩 algebra.
BOY: Right! It is?
JOSH: Yeah! See. Okay. One quarter is to ten points that he scores in that quarter. Just as four....
WOMAN: You뭨e right. He뭩 wonderful!
SUSAN: I know.
SCENE 63
BILLY: Department of Consumer Affairs? Yeah Buddy it came!
SCENE 64
MAN: He뭩 never done this before.
MAN: Kind of like a sweepstakes.
PAUL: Get the Art Department on the phone. Get them!
SUSAN: Send out for some sandwiches.
MR. M: Maybe next year, all right? Next year.
SCENE 65
SUSAN: You can do it. I know you can!
JOSH: I cannot plan a whole line!
SUSAN: Why? Nobody knows more about toys in the entire company!
JOSH: Susan, doing that means marketing and strategy and stuff like that!
SUSAN: All he wants is a proposal!
JOSH: I can뭪!
SUSAN: Look, you come up with the ideas and I뭠l handle the marketing.
JOSH: But it뭩....
SUSAN: Come on. It뭠l be neat.
JOSH: All right...I don뭪 know...I don뭪 have any new ideas for toys or anything.
SUSAN: You뭭e got great ideas!
SCENE 66
BILLY: Yeah, well tell him I called again. Kopecky! K-O-P...Yeah right...well tell him it뭩 important!
SCENE 67
JOSH: You see it won뭪 be like these where you just follow the story along. You would actually make a whole different story appear just by pressing these buttons.
SUSAN: An electronic comic book? That뭩 amazing!
JOSH: Yeah. An electric comic book. It뭩 gonna be different every time.
SUSAN: This is incredible. You뭨e brilliant--you know that?
JOSH: If you like one you could see it, you know, over and over and over again.
SUSAN: You뭨e wonderful.
JOSH: You really like it?...You think Mac will like it? You know, what we could do...We could do like sports comics...or like if you뭨e going to steal second or something like that...You뭗 have sports books...baseball, football...really, it work with almost any sport there is. Hockey!
SUSAN: What...What is it we뭨e doing? ...What뭩 going on here?
JOSH: You know, we뭨e....Is something wrong? You don뭪 like it?
SUSAN: No! No! It뭩...I mean if it뭩 an affair, that뭩 one thing. But if it뭩 something else...I mean, not that we have to know right now, we don뭪...but if we think that it could turn into something else...well....How do you feel about all of this?
JOSH: How do I feel about what?
SUSAN: How do you feel about me?
JOSH: What is that supposed to mean?
SCENE 68
JOSH: Well, Wednesday would be better than Thursday...
WOMAN: Mr. Baskin can뭪 be disturbed!
JOSH: Yeah, I have the Keating example right here...
BILLY: Where뭭e you been? I뭭e been trying to reach you forever!
JOSH: Shh! I뭢 right in the middle of something okay?
BILLY: That뭩 the list. All you뭭e got to do is call!
JOSH: Can you give me just a minute, please?
BILLY: What are you talking about? This is the list!
JOSH: Would you come back at lunch? All right, I뭢 a little bit busy right now...Hello?
BILLY: Busy?!
JOSH: Billy!
BILLY: Are you out of your mind?!
JOSH: Jesus, Billy! Miss Patterson, could you get them on the phone again....
BILLY: This is the list we뭭e been waiting for!
JOSH: I뭭e got work to do! Can뭪 you understand that? I뭭e got a deadline to meet. God!
BILLY: Who the fuck do you think you are?!
JOSH: Hey!
BILLY: Hey, you뭨e Josh Baskin! Remember? You broke your arm on my roof! You hid in my basement when Robert Diceman was about to rip your head off!
JOSH: You don뭪 get it, do you? This is important!
BILLY: I뭢 your best friend. What뭩 more important than that, huh? I뭢 three months older than you are--asshole!
SCENE 69
JOSH: You are standing in the cavern of the evil wizard. All around you are the carcasses of slain ice dwarfs....Melt wizard....What do you want to melt him with? ...Throw thermal pod.
SUSAN: Josh, what뭩 wrong? What is it?
JOSH: I haven뭪 told you something because if I did, I didn뭪 think you뭗 believe me. And even if you did believe me, I didn뭪 think you were going to like me anymore, so....
SUSAN: Oh, Honey, come here. You can tell me anything. What?
JOSH: Susan, I뭢 not what you think I am.
SUSAN: What do you mean?
JOSH: Before I met you I was in little league. I was in little league and I rode my bike to school and I played with my friends and hung out with them and....
SUSAN: Josh. Josh. What are you talking about?
JOSH: I want to go home. I miss my family Susan and I want to go home.
SUSAN: Oh my God! You뭨e married!
JOSH: No! No!
SUSAN: I knew that this was too good to be true! I knew that there had to be something!
JOSH: No. No. Susan, I뭢 not married.
SUSAN: You뭨e not?
JOSH: No. I뭢 a child!
SUSAN: What?
JOSH: I뭢 a child Susan, and I뭢 not ready for all this.
SUSAN: Oh that뭩 fine. That is just great!
JOSH: Well, you see what happened....
SUSAN: No. I understand. I뭢 not ready to make a commitment!
JOSH: No! No! No!
SUSAN: I뭢 not ready to accept responsibility!
JOSH: No! You don뭪 understand! I mean, I뭢 thirteen years old!
SUSAN: Oh! And who isn뭪? You think that there isn뭪 a frightened kid inside of me, too!
JOSH: No! I mean I really am thirteen! I went to bed one night and I was a kid, and when I woke up the next morning I was a grown up.
SUSAN: Oh right! And just yesterday I was a school girl with pigtails! Why are you doing this Josh?
JOSH: There was this carnival in New Jersey. I made a wish on this machine. It was called a Zoltar Machine...
SUSAN: Oh stop it!
JOSH: It was called a Zoltar Machine! It had this bobbing head that looked just like a devil and if you got a quarter in the devil뭩 mouth you could make a wish and I did! So I made a wish to be big! That is what I뭢 trying to tell you! I changed into a grown up but I뭢 really just a kid!
SUSAN: Fine Josh! You뭨e a kid! Look, I really don뭪 know what it is that you뭨e trying to tell me. But we have a very big presentation to give tomorrow, so I뭢 going to get some sleep.
SCENE 70
BILLY: Josh? Josh! Oh, hi Mrs. Baskin.
MOM: Hi. I was just looking around and...Your hair is getting longer.
BILLY: I got it cut yesterday.
MOM: He had a birthday.
BILLY: Yeah, I know. He뭠l be coming back real soon. Everything is going to be okay.
MOM: Thanks.
BILLY: Goodnight.
SCENE 71
BILLY: Right there. Sea Point Park, New York! Well?
JOSH: Yes?
WOMAN: They뭨e waiting for you Mr. Baskin.
JOSH: Thanks.
BILLY: See you around.
SCENE 72
JOSH: There뭩 this flat screen inside with pictures on it and you read it. And when you get down to the bottom you have to make a choice of what the character뭩 going to do...Like if he going to go in and fight the dragon then you have to push one of the buttons.
PAUL: Excuse me.
JOSH: Paul.
PAUL: I don뭪 get it.
JOSH: Well, it뭩 a comic book that....
SUSAN: See, there뭩 a computer chip inside which stores the choices, so when you reach the end of the page, you decide where the story goes. That뭩 the point.
MR. M: Terrific Susan.
SUSAN: A kid makes his own decision.
MR. M: This is really possible?
SUSAN: Yeah. In fact, it뭩 a very simple program. Isn뭪 that right?
MAN: So what happens when you run out of choices?
SUSAN: Well, that뭩 the great thing. You can just sell different adventures. Just pop in a new disk and you get a whole new set of options.
MAN: We could market this on a comic book rack.
JOSH: I뭠l be right back.
SCENE 73
MR. M: How much would the unit cost?
SUSAN: Well, our initial figure is around...around $7.00, with a retail cost of around $18.95.
PAUL: You expect a kid to pay $19.00 for a comic book?
SUSAN: I think a kid....Would you excuse me?
SCENE 74
SUSAN: Josh! Josh!
SCENE 75
JOSH: Will you take me to Sea Point Park, New York?
BILLY: Sea Point Park? Josh!....Josh! Josh!...Yes!
SCENE 76
SUSAN: Excuse me. You know him? You know Josh?
BILLY: Yeah.
SUSAN: Look, you have to tell me where he went.
BILLY: Who are you?
SUSAN: I뭢 his girlfriend.
BILLY: Billy Kopecky.
SUSAN: Look, you have to tell me where he went. Where did he go? Please, tell me. Tell me!
SCENE 77
JOSH: Work! Damn it!....I wish I was a kid.
SUSAN: Josh!
JOSH: Susan!
SUSAN: You know, you don뭪 walk out on somebody! You don뭪 just get up and leave and walk out like that! You don뭪 do that!
JOSH: I know. I know. I뭢 really sorry. I뭢 really sorry but I didn뭪 know what to do. I didn뭪 know what to say.
SUSAN: Oh God. You got your wish.
JOSH: I tried to tell you.
SUSAN: I didn뭪 listen, I guess. I didn뭪 hear you...
JOSH: I tried to tell you last night.
SUSAN: ...or want to...or how would I have...or even if I did listen, why would I know? Why would I know that?!
JOSH: I뭭e been thinking about this and there are a million reasons for me to go home but there is only one reason for me to stay.
SUSAN: What? What reason is that?
JOSH: Well, you...Oh, come on. Don뭪 cry.
SUSAN: So, what are you? 15? 16?
JOSH: I뭢 13.
SUSAN: Well, that explains it.
JOSH: Maybe you could come with me.
SUSAN: No. No.
JOSH: Why not?
SUSAN: I뭭e been there before. It뭩 hard enough the first time. You know what I mean? You don뭪 know what I mean....Come on, I뭠l drive you home.
JOSH: I뭢 sorry.
SUSAN: No, I뭠l be okay. You뭠l be fine. In ten years, who knows? Maybe you should hold on to my number.
SCENE 78
SUSAN: So this is where you live. Which one is it?
JOSH: The one right there.
SUSAN: Oh. It뭩 nice. I뭢 gonna miss you.
JOSH: I뭢 gonna miss you, too.
SUSAN: You won뭪 even remember me.
JOSH: Oh yes I will.
SCENE 79
JOSH: Mom? Hello!
MOM: Josh? Josh! Josh! Oh my God! Oh, thank God you뭨e home!
JOSH: Oh Ma, I missed you all so much!
SCENE 80
JOSH: I뭢 just not good enough.
BILLY: What are you talking about? You뭭e been hitting the ball over the fence almost every time in stick ball. You just got to get used to a fatter bat.
JOSH: You really think I could do it?
BILLY: Yeah!
JOSH: Come on. We뭠l hit some after supper.
BILLY: Okay. I뭠l call you.
Big.hwp